I spent a while trying to put together words to describe how I feel about today (my 30th birthday). The only word constant enough to speak was f r e e.

From the outside looking in, I’ve had it made my whole life. So much accomplished, so much opportunity and promise ahead.

Nonetheless, I’ve been through the wringer when it comes to identity crisis. The daughter and granddaughter of pastors and community advocates. The niece & cousin of prominent physicians, decorated military officers & a NASA chemist! It’s safe to say the shadows I lived in kept me at war with myself.

Growing up in the church it was easy to encourage others, pour out my time & talents to support the efforts of those around me and the lives of those less fortunate. I loved serving & still do with all my heart. Only when recognition followed I was referred to as “Rev’s daughter” or “Colonel’s cousin”. My family loves me but their expectations for my behavior, my career path & even friendships left me feeling like I had a spot in the room with the greats but never a seat at the table.

It wasn’t until college that I got an unsupervised opportunity to explore who I was absent of them and be a representative of myself…too bad I didn’t really know who that was.

I spent the bulk of my 20s bound to the aspirations, dreams and ideals laid out for me. Got two degrees, bought a house, a car, started a side hustle, settled into a decent-paying career, all while still struggling internally. I had a church home and was serving faithfully but I wasn’t really getting sustained by community that had the wherewith-all to pull me up.

At 26, something cracked. All the pressure became more than I could handle and I found myself on my face before God begging for Him to just take it all away. In that moment He reminded me that even in my despair, I was chosen. Whether I chose God or not, He chose me & loved me enough to sacrifice an extension of Himself to keep me connected to Him. Who I was to the world…didn’t matter. I am His.

From that point, I dove head first into my vertical relationship, I rededicated my life, lifestyle, friendships, EVERYTHING to God. I found a new faith community, got baptized again & after a couple hiccups(recovering workaholic), settled into a serving space that’s braided with a rhythm of rest & dozens of people to keep upright holistically.

As I push into my 30s, I am grateful for the freedom to speak on what God gives me to see & say. The freedom to share my gifts with the world. The freedom to just…be.

So just WHO am I? Find out here.